In his already slightly drunken state, it took Marius all he had to not let the amusement he felt at her accusation show on his face. Honestly, what had the kid expected? Was he supposed to apologize for saving her life? Best compensate her for all the troubles her put her through too, aye. Oh, but of course, why not! The giggles he had been stifling were now getting too much, and in an effort to at least retain some semblance of seriousness and distract himself, Marius drained the last of his wine — and then the laughter really hit, and it was all he could do to not choke. When he had finally regained his composure, he gave Sidjay a long, hard look.
"Listen here, love. Aside from the brief fun you provided, you’re nobody to me. Add to that no doubt sobering observation that you’re a Knight, I figure what I did is all well and good. Honorable, even." Marius grinned at her, but put no effort in to make it look anything but fake. The way he saw it, putting holes in each other and then having the gall to complain about the aftermath had put them long past the need for false platitudes. "You expected me to be a knight in shining armor — excuse the pun, if you would — rescuing you? Let me repeat what I said earlier: you’re nobody. You’re of no value when it comes to hostages, either, and the only reason you’re still alive? Because I thought it might be fun to see how you would mature, given time. If anything, you should be grateful that I didn’t leave you to bleed out of that dock like every other sane person would’ve.”
"And come now, darling, let’s be honest here: are you really that naive? Face it, love, these peace talks are going to go absolutely nowhere, just as the ones before. Varamadras and your old man of a king, as well as that elf lord? They like hearing themselves talk, and they like it even more when they’ve got people they hate forced to do the listening. One of the many flaws which come with great age, you know."
He shrugged, favoring his injured side, then continued, “Now, me, I’d be glad to have the war over and done with. It’s gotten boring, and there a whole lot of things I’d rather be doing than fighting to retake cities I couldn’t care less about. But, hey. The way things stand, I don’t think it’s ever going to be over, and that? That’s a pity, love, and you’re going to have many more scars because of it.”
While Sidjay first kept smiling when Marius had started laughing, which was a little amusing, the more it crept on her that he was laughing at her, the more her smile slowly faded away. It felt weird and Sidjay’s face fell into a state of disbelief. No one really had ever laughed at her, or at least not like that. The man laughed at her as if she was the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen and Sidjay hardly knew how to react. Right now, she felt a mix between shock and a little bit of anger. It was incredibly rude.
Every bit of anger that had come up in her broke away with every word Marius said. Words like ‘nobody’ and ‘no value’ shot into her soul, giving her a sort of pain that she hadn’t felt in a long time. A sort of pain of neglect that she had only experienced long ago, when she was a child. When this one boy asked her to leave over and over again - but back then, Sidjay knew that, even if he told her she was annoying, he liked her as well. As soon as he had stopped talking, a sort of appalled anger rose up in Sidjay again, but something stopped her from acting upon it other than arching her eyebrows and putting down her wine glass. Sidjay could get angry, and when she got angry she got very angry, but what kept her from exploding like a thundercloud filled to the rim was another thing she hardly felt: Confusion.
This man in front of her utterly confused Sidjay, but not necessarily in a positive way. First he had killed her, which was something to dislike in him, but in all honesty, so had Sidjay tried. He had healed her and generally saved her, which would have not been something Sidjay had done. Now her was drinking wine with her, paying even, but at the same time he laughed at and insulted her. She really wanted to be angry, but wasn’t he right at the same time? Sidjay was grateful, she really was, but at the same time she still held it against him what he has done to her body. Which wasn’t right, was it?
Biting her lip, Sidjay drank a rather big gulp out of her wine glass, then put it back on the table, pulling it further away. Her cheeks were warm and her emotions were confusing and getting harder and harder to control. Suddenly the sun shone too warm on her and with a hand movement clenching her fist casually, a cloud appeared sloppily in front of the sun, blocking the sun shine that shone down on the guests of the restaurant. Which might have been selfish, but right now wasn’t something Sidjay cared about.
Her hand reaching to her neck, Sidjay started to talk her eyes on her wine glass. “I am grateful. It was honorable. Which is why I said that I owed you my life. Which also is why it annoys me. Because my life means a lot to me and you are supposed to be the bad guy. But you’re not. I talked to other Mancers as well, before, a girl especially. How am I supposed to take orders to fight when you are decent?” Sidjay knew what she said maybe didn’t make sense, but this time she hadn’t thought over what to say. She had just said whatever was on her mind.
"I don’t like being called naive, or a nobody and I would love to properly be angry right now, but I can’t. You healed me, I wouldn’t have. You asked about my wounds, I find it challenging to feel sorry about yours. I would love to stand up and empty the rest of my wine into your face, but I can’t. Because you’re decent. Even more. You are more honorable, as you said it, than many of the people I know. You are good, but that can’t be, because you’re a Mancer. You almost make me feel bad, then you throw out insults. You, Sir, no Captain, Marius Thesus utterly confuse me and I highly dislike that.”
Sighing and sending her hand threw her hair again, she dared to look at Marius again, awaiting an absolute look of winning. Maybe he even deserved that. Quickly, Sidjay emptied her glass so she couldn’t threw the expensive wine in his face once she’d be properly drunk - which would be soon. Then she smiled. The wine really was delicious.
"Optimistic. The word you were looking for was optimistic and yes I am. War is a horrible thing, neither you nor I like it, yet we’re the ones fighting. War is expensive and I believe our leaders to be smart enough to notice at least that and if it’s not this time, the war will end during the next negotiations. I’ll go home and my older brother will go home with me, no matter how many scars I’ll have to get. I’ll make sure we do, I’ll win the war single handed if I have to. There is way too much I want to do after the war. Way too much I will."